dear summer porch

There’s been some rumblings from my front porch and yard.  I think they may have caught wind of this post … a post that has been creeping up in the ranks of most popular on my sidebar.


And if they ever see the comment I left on this post on Kelly's View Along The Way blog?  I’m pretty sure they’d stage an all out plant revolution …


So I’m in crisis management mode.  And Kelly so kindly agreed to run my open letter to my porch on her fabulous blog last week while she was bopping around the blogger conference Haven.


And in case you missed it, I'm giving it an encore appearance here today ... . 

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Dear Front Porch,


I understand some slanderous rumors have been circulating on the web.  Slanderous rumors that have you concerned about the health and longevity of the plants sitting in those pretty black and white planters I made for your steps …






And I’ve heard that your concerns have now extended beyond just your steps but to the health and longevity of the plants on our entire postage-stamp-sized front yard …



I know, I know.  I come out strong each June.  Excited.  Invigorated.  Covered in DEET …


… because those mosquitoes heard about my childhood nickname, Linda Louise Mosquito Bug Killer, and have had it out for me ever since …


I know. I know.  Year after year I swear up and down and backwards and forwards that this is the year when things will turn around …


But you have to trust me. I’ve got My Sponsor on board. The sprinkler is hooked up. And turned on …



… and please dismiss those ugly stories of how we killed the impatiens with a lethal dose of Miracle Grow.  Not once.  But twice.  We were young and naïve and did not yet realize that too much of a good think could equal death.  On the plus side?  Death came quickly. Not once.  But twice.


I mean look, porch.  Look around.  The hydrangeas came back to life this year and they’ve blossomed to boot …



… and don’t get fresh with me and tell me they’re near impossible to kill in Chicago …


But what about the Hostas? They came back to life too …




… and yes. I hear you porch. I’ll give you this one. Hostas really are just one step away from weeds here in the Midwest.  And we both know I have a special talent for growing super sonic weeds …


... in fact, Kelly and I are going into business together growing super sonic apocalypse defying weed; we just need to establish that there really is a market for super sonic apocalypse defying weeds ...


And yes, I did dig up some ornamental grasses planted last year.  Hey, they had to go. They were a bunch of whiners. Complaining all the time that it was "too cold" and "too shady" …


But I found a replacement grass.  A variety that I’ve successfully grown right down here by your bottom step …




… and don’t threaten me with the story of how it only looks good because the neighbor’s landscaper couldn’t take it anymore and cut back last year's dead spires …


But you have to trust me porch.  You have to have some faith in me porch. I just feel it in my bones.  This is the year that it will all turn around …


And if not.  If you can’t trust me?  Then I think you might just need a gentle reminder that the only reason you’re still standing … my contractor wants to tear you down and start anew … is because I took it into my own hands to give you a facelift last fall …


Your friend,

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